Q. My wife of 56 years died in 2024 after a long illness. I loved her very much and still think about her and miss her every day. I have been trying to keep busy and lately I’ve been spending more time with a female friend. How do I tell my two adult daughters that I am considering dating again?
A. I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing a partner of 56 years is a big life change, and it’s clear from your words how deeply you loved her. Many people who are widowed find themselves in the same boat – grieving a beloved spouse while also craving connection and companionship.
It’s also clear that you’re a loving dad for thinking about your daughters’ feelings as you consider dating again. It may feel awkward to bring up the subject – but being direct and honest will help your daughters understand your point of view and set the tone for open communication moving forward. Here are some things to consider as you start the conversation:
Start the conversation gently – Choose a quiet, focused time when you can talk with your daughters. Try not to spring it on them at a major event, like a holiday or a birthday celebration.
Acknowledge their feelings – Be sensitive to how they are feeling. They may not be enthusiastic about this change at first and that’s okay. Adult children can feel protective of a surviving parent or worry that moving on means letting go of the past. Listen to their concerns and give them time to process.
Clarify boundaries – Remember, you’re not asking for their permission. You’re sharing a part of your life with them. You might begin by saying something like, “I want to talk with you about something that’s important to me, and I value your thoughts.”
Reassure them of your love for them and their mother – Let them know that your love for them is unconditional and that their mom will always hold a special place in your heart. A new relationship won’t change that.
Share your feelings – Speak from the heart about why you’re thinking about dating to help them understand your perspective.
With a little patience and understanding on both sides, this conversation can be the start of a new chapter for you and your daughters – one that honors the past while allowing room for what comes next.
Are you caring for an older adult or need help finding healthy aging resources? Our experienced staff is available to help. Visit us online at www.agespan.org. You can also call 800-892-0890 or email info@agespan.org.
Joan Hatem-Roy is the chief executive officer of AgeSpan, which serves the following cities and towns: Amesbury, Andover, Billerica, Boxford, Chelmsford, Danvers, Dracut, Dunstable, Georgetown, Groveland, Haverhill, Lawrence, Lowell, Marblehead, Merrimac, Methuen, Middleton, Newbury, Newburyport, North Andover, Peabody, Rowley, Salisbury, Salem, Tewksbury, Tyngsboro, Westford, and West Newbury.
First published in the Eagle-Tribune.
