Q. Before my husband passed last year, he and I spoke frequently about our health care wishes and decisions. Now that he is gone, I’m worried about who will help me with those decisions if I should become too sick to do it on my own. During a recent hospital stay, my doctor strongly encouraged me to fill out an “advance directive.” What exactly is an advance directive and how might it help me?
A. I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. It sounds like the two of you worked together well to be sure each of your health care wishes were expressed. We all have the right to participate in making decisions regarding our healthcare. If you become ill and can’t express your wishes for yourself, advance directives can help. Now is a great time for you to think about doing this since you are well enough to understand your choices and vocalize your decisions.
One type of advance directive is a Health Care Proxy. Here, you designate, in writing, the name of a person you’d like to be responsible for making your health care decisions for you. This would only come into play when you can’t make your own decisions so you shouldn’t worry about losing any of your rights.
Choosing a health care proxy is both an important and difficult decision. Harvard Medical School and the National Institute on aging offer the following considerations around selecting your health care proxy:
Am I comfortable with this person making my wishes known? Your proxy should be someone you trust and who also has the emotional ability to be your decision maker. For many people, this is a family member or a friend. They must be willing to honor your choices, even if they differ from their own. They should also be comfortable handling conflicting opinions about your care from other family, friends, and health care providers.
How do you make sure your proxy understands your wishes? Start with a conversation, expressing your values, personal faith, and overall beliefs. This might include the quality of life you want to enjoy, as well as the kind of care you don’t want to receive.
Be sure you share a copy of your written health care proxy with the person you designate to make decisions, as well as with your health care team. Your doctor’s office can also add a copy to your health record.
Thinking about who will make health care decisions for you is an emotional process for many people. Despite these difficulties, it is the best way to ensure that your wishes are honored and that your family isn’t burdened. Your health care provider may have some resources and forms to help, and you can always reach out to us at AgeSpan for more guidance.
Are you caring for an older adult or need help finding healthy aging resources? Our experienced staff is available to help. Visit us online at www.agespan.org. You can also call 800-892-0890 or email info@agespan.org.
Joan Hatem-Roy is the chief executive officer of AgeSpan, which serves the following cities and towns: Amesbury, Andover, Billerica, Boxford, Chelmsford, Danvers, Dracut, Dunstable, Georgetown, Groveland, Haverhill, Lawrence, Lowell, Marblehead, Merrimac, Methuen, Middleton, Newbury, Newburyport, North Andover, Peabody, Rowley, Salisbury, Salem, Tewksbury, Tyngsboro, Westford, and West Newbury.
First published in the Eagle-Tribune.
