Q. My aunt and uncle live out of state, so I don’t see them very often. On a recent visit, I noticed that my aunt was having trouble remembering specific words. She also asked me the same questions a few times. My uncle and cousins have also noticed these things, but don’t know how to approach things with her. Any advice?
I applaud you for bringing your concerns to your family and encouraging them to talk with your aunt. Conversations like these are not easy, but they are so important. Early detection can make things easier for your aunt and her family. As we close out Alzheimer’s and Brain Awareness Month, the Alzheimer’s Association has a good checklist of steps you should take to approach memory concerns. You should first assess the situation, ask yourself the following questions, and write down the answers.
- What changes in memory, thinking or behavior do you see? What is the person doing or not doing that is causing concern?
- What else might be going on? Health issues or stress could be factors in memory loss.
- Learn about the signs of Alzheimer’s and other dementias. Visit www.alz.org/10signs to educate yourself on common warning signs. Do you notice any of the signs in the person?
- Has anyone else noticed the changes? Talk with family and friends about what they’ve noticed.
Next, have a conversation.
- Who should have the conversation to discuss concerns? It’s usually best to have a one-on-one talk, so the person does not feel threatened by a group.
- What is the best time and place to have the conversation? Choose a date and time when you think the person would be most comfortable.
- What will you say? Consider saying something like, “I’ve noticed [change] in you, and I’m concerned. Have you noticed it? Are you worried?”
- Offer to go with the person to the doctor. This can be a great way to show support.
- If needed, have multiple conversations. The first conversation may not go well. Write down some notes about it to plan for the next one.
Finally, reach out for help.
- The Alzheimer’s Association has many resources on their website that can help you learn more. You can find them at www.alz.org/
AgeSpan offers a variety of programs for older adults with dementia and their families including monthly Memory Cafes and support groups for caregivers. To learn more AgeSpan resources, visit our website at agespan.org/solutions/caregiver-support/
I wish you and your family strength and compassion as you take this important step. By having these conversations early, you’re giving your aunt the gift of understanding and the opportunity to get the care she may need.
Are you caring for an older adult or need help finding healthy aging resources? Our experienced staff is available to help. Visit us online at www.agespan.org. You can also call 800-892-0890 or email info@agespan.org.
Joan Hatem-Roy is the chief executive officer of AgeSpan, which serves the following cities and towns: Amesbury, Andover, Billerica, Boxford, Chelmsford, Danvers, Dracut, Dunstable, Georgetown, Groveland, Haverhill, Lawrence, Lowell, Marblehead, Merrimac, Methuen, Middleton, Newbury, Newburyport, North Andover, Peabody, Rowley, Salisbury, Salem, Tewksbury, Tyngsboro, Westford, and West Newbury.
First published in the Eagle-Tribune.
