Q. I’ve been caregiving for my parents for several years, helping them stay in their home by cooking meals, shopping, assisting with bathing, managing their medications and medical appointments, and offering emotional support. Despite all my efforts, I can’t shake the feeling that it’s never enough. How can I manage this guilt?
A. It’s normal to feel guilt, resentment, and frustration in your caregiving journey from time to time. It’s important to examine your feelings of guilt and what you can do to address them. Forgiving yourself is a critical step in being able to move on from guilt. Remember that you’re human – and nobody is perfect.
Caregiving often stirs up complex emotions. You’re not alone in feeling that, despite your best efforts, you’re falling short. But remember you’re human, not a superhero. Forgiving yourself is essential in managing guilt, and a powerful first step is recognizing what is within and beyond your control. Here are a few tips that can help:
- Shift your perspective. Ask yourself what’s truly in your control and what isn’t. It’s natural to replay past decisions and wonder if you could have done more. However, be compassionate with yourself and consider how you’d respond if a friend were in the same position. Thinking beyond blame can relieve some pressure.
- Set realistic caregiving goals. Consider what you can genuinely manage. Define what “doing enough” means for you, given your own health, work, and personal responsibilities. Prioritize essential tasks and think about what else could be done by others in your support network.
- Seek support from others. Sharing your feelings with friends, family, or other caregivers can bring fresh perspectives, help ease your burden, and provide important social connection. At AgeSpan, we have trained staff who are experts in supporting family caregivers like yourself. We also have many resources that might help take some of the tasks off your list, including respite services that give you a much-needed break.
- Take care of yourself. Remember, your best is enough, and self-care isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity. Rest, recharge, and remind yourself that you’re doing everything you can, and that’s more than enough.
Managing guilt won’t happen overnight, but by focusing on what’s within your control, leaning on your support system, and remembering your own needs, you’ll start finding peace in the incredible care you’re already providing.
Are you caring for an older adult or need help finding healthy aging resources? Our experienced staff is available to help. Visit us online at www.agespan.org. You can also call 800-892-0890 or email info@agespan.org
First published in the Eagle-Tribune.
