Q. Earlier this year, my mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. She has her good days and her bad days and recently agreed to join my family in our home. I treasure my time with my mother. At the same time, I find that most of the work needed to keep her safe falls on me. I have a large family in the area, and my mother has many friends who care about her. I just don’t feel comfortable asking for help. Do you have any suggestions?
A. Being a family caregiver comes with many emotions and responsibilities. It can sometimes feel like you are both overwhelmed and alone. Most caregivers in Massachusetts find they spend at least 20 hours taking care of their loved one every single week. It’s not surprising that you might need some help from time to time.
Crystal Polizzotti, Director of the Family Caregiver Support Program at AgeSpan, offers the following suggestions on how to ask for help when you need it most:
- Keep a running list of things you need help with. Some of these things may be easier or lighter lifts (like picking up mom’s medications at the pharmacy or preparing a meal), while others will take more time and commitment (like staying with mom overnight when you need a break or have another obligation.)
- Make another list of people who may want to help. This could include siblings, other family members, friends from church or the local senior center, or neighbors. You may be surprised at the number of people in your circle who could be available and happy to lend a hand.
- Share your lists of tasks with your list of helpers. If you are uncomfortable asking for help face-to-face, consider sending an email or making a phone call. Remember, most people enjoy being of assistance to others. Think about how good you feel when you help someone else.
- Reach out to AgeSpan. We have trained staff who are experts in supporting family caregivers like yourself. We also have many resources that might help take some of the tasks off your list, including respite services when you need a break.
There are a number of new technologies that make it easier for family caregivers to ask for and receive the help they need. For example, AgeSpan is partnering with elbi, a mobile application that allows caregivers to send help requests to multiple contacts at the same time through the simple click of a button on their phone. If you are interested in learning more about this technology (at no cost), contact Crystal at cpolizzotti@agespan.org.
Finally, one of the best ways to be a caregiver to your loved one is to make sure you are taking care of yourself as well. Reaching out and accepting help is one of the best ways to do that.
Are you caring for an older adult or need help finding healthy aging resources? Our experienced staff is available to help. Visit us online at www.agespan.org. You can also call 800-892-0890 or email info@agespan.org.
Joan Hatem-Roy is the chief executive officer of AgeSpan, which serves the following cities and towns: Amesbury, Andover, Billerica, Boxford, Chelmsford, Danvers, Dracut, Dunstable, Georgetown, Groveland, Haverhill, Lawrence, Lowell, Marblehead, Merrimac, Methuen, Middleton, Newbury, Newburyport, North Andover, Peabody, Rowley, Salisbury, Salem, Tewksbury, Tyngsboro, Westford, and West Newbury.
First published in the Eagle-Tribune.
